An Ode For The Immortal !!

"An Ode For The Immortal"... Is there anything which is immortal in this world??? YES.. they have named it "MEMORIES"... and now am goin to dedicate this blog to ONE MAN who made my eyebrows go up with his dedication towards Family and Work, who always stood first in the line to help others, who never had uttered the word NO in his lifetime when people seeks his help... and I absolutely feel proud in saying that am his SON.

In 1944, he was given birth as the fourth Boy to a couple who can hardly meet their basic needs of such a big family. My Dad lost his mom when he was 3, and was brought up by his maternal uncle since his dad had to take care of his other three sons.

He use to be a bright student in his school and also had a great vocabulary at a very small age and that helped him to get a double promotion when he was in his 6th grade(My dad kept telling me this, when i was young). His interest was more towards the technical side and cos of the financial situation of the family he opted not to do a graduation in the universities of that age and so he ended his academics with a Diploma in electronics.

It was the time where the Wipros, Microsofts, Infy's, Reliances's..etc was not heard at all. Major employment opportunites were always vested with the State and Central government of India. My Dad wasnt betrayed of one. He joined IAF(Indian Air Force) at the age of 20. His first posting was in the north east part of our country and since the weather in those places was almost freezing in a severe winter, my dad opted to go back to Chennai. His father eventually sent him back to the same place in the next immediate train without even giving him a chance to enter the house. And i guess that incident made him a gritty person that one would admire!!

The days which i lived or moments which i shared with him can be easily counted.. I never had an opportunity to live and see the way he lived until my age of 20. Till then i had a glimpse of my dad only on the weekends.. Since he was working away from the city where we lived in... The day he retired in 2003, i took over the responsibilities from him and only from then he lead a peaceful life... Till then his schedule was.... getting up in the morning at 5 and work til 6 in the evening with a lunch break of 1/2 an hour in between.. and this went on from his age of 20-60. TOUGH MAN.. AINT HE?? and thats why i said... i dont have the committment which that Man had in him.

But i had the privilege of living and spending time with him in the last five years.. which he enjoyed the most, but never expressed it outside.. But i felt it in me! and that was a proud moment too... i made my dad to sit back and relax and just enjoy his retirement life. afterall the old man deserves this much atleast from his family after being drained out completely working for the same family for 40 plus years!!!

One fine day morning on Oct 29th 2008..when i thought it was just another normal day... My dad thought otherwise... "Its enough for me out here in this world" and decided to reach the footsteps of God. Well... eventhough we know that its a natural thing for someone to give birth in this world and at the end of it death separates us and parts us from our family and friends and the unknown people... The heart rejects to accept the fact or truth or whatever you may call it as... and thats why i said My dad is immortal since he will live with us in our memories.

One thing which surprises me and makes me to feel proud about him till date is that.. My dad stood on his own income right till the date he saw the sunlight... and not many in this world accomplishes that... and i never ever intended to break his prestige in that issue.

He always lived upto this saying..which he use to say repeatedly.
"Innar seidhaarai oruthal avarnaana
Nannayam seidhu vidal"

I will miss those days when i was 4 yrs, where i use to go with him in his cycle to the shops and invariably i will end up coming back home with a chocolate and that happened till i grew up to 15 and his cycle grew to a TVS 50 XL. I will miss those sunday rides to my uncles place with my Dad by sitting in front of him in his TVS 50, where in a lengthy stretch he will make me to hold the accelerator and ride it.. i dont get that fun when i drive my car right now. I will miss those days where he took me to chepauk stadium to watch India playing... and i dont think i will ever visit the ground from now on.. Least bothered to see it without my dad's presence next to me. I will miss him next to me when we sit on a sunday afternoon to play cards with my mom and sister and i wont be having anyone fulfilling his place where i use to scratch his thighs and tap him on the shoulders with love and affection.I will personally miss the pleasure of calling "Appa"... I will miss the cigarette smoke which he constantly emitted. Couple of days before his demise he was jokingly telling me when i was pulling his legs that... he has never beaten me till date and he told me not to force him to do so... and he has never ever hit me hard till date!!.... We, in our family will miss him at this crucial juncture in our lives which is about to take a step further towards another stage.

I wonder why such injustices happens in this world... My dad worked his heart out for 20 long years to bring me up. But i got the opportunity to keep him well and serve him only for 5 years!!! and am feeling bad and guilty about it... dont know how am i goin to compensate that!!

I pray to God for few things.....I want to erase the voice of my sister from my mind who screamed over the phone to call me back home not knowing what to do when she saw my dad gasping for his final breathe... and pls erase the visuals which i saw outside my house when people were hovering around like bees!! and the scenes of my dad lying unconscious in the bed.. so i need my sisters sweet voice to be set back in my mind...and I want my dad's good memories pasted in my mind till the last breath of mine.

You all might think why am i writing a blog on such a happening.... well... i wish to shout out loud to the whole world saying" I have associated myself with such a gr8 person in my lifetime and i can proudly say that.. My dad lived like a King.. and will remain so".....

I have lots to write about him..a 60 yr struggle cant be written or expressed in one page...and i can keep goin on and on and on and on........ but i wish to keep few in me ...to be treasured in me forever.

We Miss you Appa!!








R Muralidharan.

Crushed Dream !!!

At this right moment i have completed 9116 days, 218784 hours, 13127040 minutes, 787622400 seconds on this damn beautiful earth !!

Well the topic of this blog gives you a clear idea on the writings to follow in this posting. yeah...fortunately or unfortunately...i have had few dreams gone past without creating an impact on me in my real life...So....is it wise enuf to regret on wat has hapnd??or is it wise enuf to accept the reality in ur dreams being crucified???....well i think it shud be the later one...

I dont remember me setting up any dreams or goals till my age of 15...hmmm....but few does set up goals by being matured at that age...and if u notice they hav reached it too!!

My very first matured dream was to shine professionally in cricket...and that came a bit late....People might say that this dream has become pretty common after the sport hitting sky high popularities....but in my case it was different...i did shed my sweat and blood into it for more than 9 yrs..and i did see some light at the end of the tunnel...but the earth shook and the tunnel got closed wen i injured my shoulder....and incidentally that became the ideal time for me to take over responsibilities from my dads shoulders...so that time i had to take a decision....which is still weighing heavy at the bottom of my heart!!!

As i said one should not regret in accepting the facts of his life even if his personal dreams are bouldered....but i know how tough it is for one to forego something which has been a daily dream which was associated with him for over 9 yrs...

Eventhough the dream are crushed...it has left a lot of sweet memoirs in me....which i can relish feeling at any point of time in my life..... The Friendships which i got in those 9 yrs will be rated on top of all achievements which i gained, the day where i went to see my coach to join the camp, the smell of the grass while play, early morning hungry stomach, those bun jam for the hungry tummy, the wounds... scratches and swellings, Foreshore estate bus-stop on saturdays and sunday morning with my best buddy, Long tideous drive with 100 other ppl in the bus, Our kitbags making fellow passengers say...AAhhh and Ouch, Late evening chat at the ground with a tired body, waiting for the less populated bus, Kodaikanal tour for a tournament, the on-field happenings, the shoutings and appreciations from my coach............ still smells like a fresh paint which coloured my yester years!!

It hurts me more when i feel i couldnt pursue it further even after getting accolades from my coaches and friends. If they had told me in the begining that i cant shine as a cricketer, i dont think i would have got hurt this bad!!!

Anyways, on a lighter note, I am back on the field now, this time with my favourite players in the world...Well its not Mark Waugh or Sachin or Rahul...its Srikumar, Rajesh, Prakash, Sarukku, Sundar, Matty, Kuppai, Aadu, Appu, Shiva, Bhai....hehehe....They all are my superstars....My schoolmates....And most importantly....... I AM HAVING FUN!!!!

Well...those above mentioned hours, minutes and seconds would have got changed, but the memories doesnt!!!! So..Kick the guy who said "Change is inevitable" !!!

My Dream Project !!

(Visualise while you read it!!!)

Filmed Date : 03rd July 2008

Venue : XII std Class room(2000 batch), My School

Description of the room : Two entrances towards the east, with three columns of benches with five rows facing North.

Video Camera Position : Third column 2nd last row facing the entrance, placed low on the sitting bench.

Situation : Im walking into my XIIth std class room with a denim jean and a white shirt thru the entrance with the sun rays behind me at 9 in the morning where my face is not visible but you could trace out that someone is walking in.

I come closer to the camera and sits right beside it, and now the camera faces me, the entrances and ofcourse the mild sun rays behind me.....All set...So here i start to speak.....

"The last time i have had a view at this unforgettable place was some eight years back. This 200 sq foot place has seen many of us laughing our heart out, it has seen few of us fighting for some easily negotiable issues, this place has seen love, this very place has projected our long lasting friendship....and we havnt disappointed its dream!!!"

They always say that "guys who sits in the last row were always mischevious"guess the person who said was one....cos he has rightly pointed out that.....WE WERE ONE!!! Thats the row..(camera turns towards the direction my hand was pointing)

(camera turns back to my face)What different story which i may probably say which has not happened in many of your XII std life....hmmm...may be i might say!!! or i may not.....but im sure that you will be interested in knowing what happened in our class in those 200 plus days!!...well, whether you are interested or not....im keen on penning it down....cos it takes me back to "Down Memory Lane".

(giggles)Whenever i think of something which happened in this very same class.. i dont forget to laugh or atleast a smile visits my face. For example this incident.. when one of my friend got slapped by our Accounts sir with his strong left hand for asking a stupid question "How many zeroes are there in 1 lakh???"he thought of pulling our sirs leg...but eventually he happened to be at the receiving end...cos the next glimpse which i saw was, my friend havin his right cheek covered with his palm!!!!!and i saw the whole of last bench laughing under the table!!Im One among that!!

How could we forget this incident, Once the whole class was shouting like one share market during our commerce class, and our commerce sir was busily writing something on the board...everyone was talking to everyone... and it was total chaos...Suddenly one of my bench mate stood up and said"Enna da edukaran ivan?? onnum puriya maatengudhu!!!"...unfortunately for my buddy...the time he said that and the silence in the class room fell at the exact moment ..coincidentally!!!.... whole class turned upto him and he was standing with his hands facing towards the board!!!unfortunately for him...even our commerce sir heard it!!! and my friend GOT IT!!!!we tried to restrain ourself from laughing......but couldnt!! :)

How could a higher secondary guy possibly get into the public exams before falling for an infactuation!!! tough aint it!! our class wasnt an exception...infact... i was not an exception!!! even i got caught!!!!....there is a funny saying...hmm i dont know who said that....but im telling you all "Do not believe when others speak for others"....hmmm....i guess u ppl didnt understand...OK...let me tell u my case, I fell in infactuation with one of the girl in my class... when one of my friend came and told me that..."dey why didnt u come yesterday??? she was asking me what happened to you??"isnt that enuf for a guy to fall for a girl?? at that age!!!! took sometime for me to realise that it was just an infactuation!!! hard to realise though...(by nodding the head towards the first row)Thats the place where she use to sit(camera focussing to the first row)

hahaha.....A guy being slapped by a girl ??? hmmmm...not in the literal meaning...but yeah....By some strong words!!!! " I DONT LOVE YOU.... I LOVE HIM "...hahahaha...strong enough???

( I get up from the place where i was sitting and i start to move around the class....but the camera remains seated in the same row...but focusses wherever i go)

This is the blackboard where one of my friend drew a buffalo's face and narrated my name next to it!!! and this is where we write the names of the person who talks during a free period ...haha...kiddish!!! aint it??

Well we keep our lunch bags here....and i still remember the way one of my friend use to have his lunch....well i would say our lunch!!!hope u all get wat i said....a five star menu or a beggars food decoration wil loose fight against his!!!

When i stand here in front of the class.. I can see myself sitting in the last bench from where i use to look at the first row where my crush was sitting and to the girl sitting to my right who considered i was her crush!!!well..it happens U C.... I can still feel the soul of our batch revolving around here.... the noise, the laughter, the fear of exams, the brilliant answers we gave, the stupidest questions that some one could possibly ask, the compass carved benches, those adolescent faces, thoughts, the talks to impress girls, the heroism, the slaps, arguements, the crush, the failures, the fun...the list just goes on and on and on...

You tend to get overwhelmed when you always go back to your "Down Memory Lane"...and i guess thats something which people would like to treasure until they bid adieu...

(Complete Silence in the class room and i jus look around the class with the hands on my hips)

(I Turn towards the first exit door and start walking towards it)with few thoughts in my mind....." I wish.... I Seriously Wish...I Could Go Back To Those Days Again "
(And then i disappear from the class and the camera gets blurred)

For You!!

"My Love For You Is Like An Ocean.....

You Can See The Beginning...

But Not The End !!!!!"